Attention to details

It has been a while since I last posted here.

This time my message is from the direct wisdom of my experience. Not just observations of others.

When I am in a relationship again, I will NEVER fail to say I love you as often as possible and to mean it every time.

When I am in a relationship I will NEVER fail to make kisses and hugs a more regular aspect of sex, because when its not the girl feels like she is just being used for the sex. I must make an active effort to be more intimate.

When I am in a relationship I will NEVER tell a friend I cant come see him because Im with my girl and going to get laid. Even if that is the only language he understands to get him to leave me alone, if the girl finds out she will still have that feeling she is being used as an excuse and a sex object.

When I am in a relationship I will NEVER fail to take the girl I love out on dates, even if money is tight it is important to make her realize how much she means to me.

When I am in a relationship I will NEVER let my "serious face" show over the joy that my lover gives my heart. It is far more important to let the internal emotions of love project to the outside.

Guys, let these be lessons to you. If you love her, show it, always.

Who Am I?

I have a very close and personal friend who is going through a bit of an identity crisis. Ive been completely at a loss of words to help them, until today. My mind has been racing since I woke up and started cleaning around the apartment. I remembered when I was finding myself several years ago. I hated who I had become, I didnt want to be me and I didnt know how to start over and rebuild myself. At that time a friend told me that it was very much like a salad bar. Each fruit or vegitable is a character trait or aspect of your potential self. Go and flavor what you want. Somethings you may not want to try, so dont. Some things may be worth tasting, if you try something and you dont like it, then it isnt you. If you try something and you do like it then it is you.

I remember hating how I felt no one could trust me. I hated that I felt I couldnt trust other people. I hated religion. I hated that I hated so much. For me the biggest thing was the trust issue. People couldnt trust me. I couldnt trust myself. So I started doing little things at first, returning borrowed pencils, doing small favors here and there. I stopped stealing from people. I stopped lieing to people. I used to lie to people just because I enjoyed that it warped their understanding of things. I was a pretty sick bastard.

In the end I became who I wanted to be. People trusted me and I trusted people, I give them the benefit of the doubt. I became Mr Reliable. People knew they could count on me. I explored my spiritual aspect without the firm lines of religion and added a whole other depth to me I never knew existed before (its something that has become a very important aspect of who I am).

I acknowledged that I must never stop developing and growing who I am. Its not something that is a static thing. We all change in various ways from every decision we make. I made the decision to always change positively and learn what I could from my mistakes, choices, and results.

So to those who stumble upon this who may be looking to discover who they are. Decide first who you want to be. Take the steps to make it happen. Build yourself a foundation of character traits and personalities that you seek to be. Then be it.

Mmmbop

I was listening to the radio yesterday and Daria was reading the words to songs that were hard to hear so people could understand what the song was about. One of these was Mmmbop by Hanson. I never liked Hanson but I have to admit that after hearing the lyrics to this song I have a bit more respect for them.

You have so many relationships in this life
Only one or two will last
You go through all this pain and strife
Then you turn your back and they're gone so fast
And they're gone so fast
So hold on to the ones who really care
In the end they'll be the only ones there
When you get old and start losing your hair
Can you tell me who will still care?
Can you tell me who will still care?

Chorus:
Mmm bop, ba duba dop
Ba du bop, ba duba dop
Ba du bop, ba duba dop
Ba du

Mmm bop, ba duba dop
Ba du bop, Ba du dop
Ba du bop, Ba du dop
Ba du

Plant a seed, plant a flower, plant a rose
You can plant any one of those
Keep planting to find out which one grows
It's a secret no one knows
It's a secret no one knows

(Repeat Chorus)

In an mmm bop they're gone.
In an mmm bop they're not there.
In an mmm bop they're gone.
In an mmm bop they're not there.
Until you lose your hair. But you don't care.

(Repeat Chorus)

Can you tell me? You say you can but you don't know.
Can you tell me which flower's going to grow?
Can you tell me if it's going to be a daisy or a rose?
Can you tell me which flower's going to grow?
Can you tell me? You say you can but you don't know.

(Repeat Chorus)
Aside from the aptly coined "prepubescent scatting" this song is something that tells a truth about relationships. You will have lots and lots of relationships and most of them will be for little or nothing. Only a few will really turn into lasting friendships or love's. I think if children were taught to realize this they wouldnt go through quite as much pain and suffering when they lost their first love or their best friend (typically in middle school, and often times it's what causes juvenile depression).

Its true what they sang. You lose relationships then you get past them and never really care again. It would be nice if all of them remained as great friends, unfortunately that is never the case. For me, and hopefully for those reading, try to be the type that last and remain to be a daisy or a rose. Make relationships last.

second chances

This is actually from my other blog but I believe it works here too.
I have realized some things. There are somethings in life you have to learn for yourself I guess. No amount of wisdom from the worlds greatest teachers can reach into the hearts, minds, eyes, ears, tongues, and hands of people who have let the blind lead the blind, the twisted teach the innocent, and the forked tongues speak for the mute.

There has always been a redeeming thing about humans that I have found myself completely in love with but lately Ive felt an uneasy grip creep up my spine. That not all the people in the world give a damn. Ive been so lucky to know so many caring and loving people. I have very rarely found myself caring about people who dont give a damn. I think now that I have seen their true colors its time to let them destroy themselves from the inside out until they come to see themselves for who they have become.

I however will never stop caring for them. Sometimes it hurts more to hope, it hurts more to care, but you can never let yourself stop caring. I believe people can change their lives if they want to, I believe in second chances.

Stars of Destiny

Most people are like a falling leaf that drifts and turns in the air, flutters and falls to the ground. But a few others are like stars which travel one defined path; no wind reaches them, they have within themselves their guide and path.
-- Herman Hesse-Siddartha

I have only really known one other star. Sean, keep to the guide and path within you. You have the ability to shine the light onto others and show them that they too can be a star.

I met another person like me today. Someone driven by that rare inner strength. Ashley also wants to be a teacher for the good of the children. Her aim is true and her values strong. May you never falter and become a leaf.

The secret I wish to convey is this. Most people dont feel like they are happy with what they do with their jobs. I see this all the time. I see it spreading. I remember during an early mentor session most of the people who were coming to college were coming so that they could get a good job and make lots of money. This is the destruction of our people. We create our futures based solely on acquiring wealth without giving a thought as to whether the route we take will fulfill us.

Those of you out there who have yet to find yourself in a position where you need to make this choice, dont worry. There will be a time when you do. And here is the answer. Discover what moves you. Discover within yourselves what you are passionate about. For me it isnt just teaching. For me it is our youths. They are our future. I want to help educate the futures of tomorrow, but mostly I want to be that teacher that is there for the students. That one teacher that gives his students hope and a sense of some level of serenity when they walk into that classroom.

What drives your core? What do you get charged up about? Find out what moves your soul and you will find that strength, that inner guide and your path will become apparent to you.

To all the girls out there

Ive watched a lot of late night comedy central lately and been rather upset with the ridiculous amount of girls gone wild ads. So here is one little secret of life just for you girls out there.

YOU DO NOT NEED TO TAKE OFF YOUR CLOTHES TO BE APPRECIATED BY SOCIETY. I know that girls go through a stage where they feel that taking off their clothes is fun and exciting and it gets all the guys to look at them. Women of the world, you need to stop letting your self esteem, your self confidence, and your identity be determined by your social surroundings. Respect yourself! Be yourselves without letting the world shape you.

YOU DO NOT NEED TO BE SEXY TO BE LOVED!
YOU DO NOT NEED TO TAKE OFF YOUR CLOTHES FOR ATTENTION!
SOMEONE WHO LOVES YOU WILL LEARN TO LOVE YOU WITH YOUR CLOTHES ON FIRST!
STOP LETTING YOURSELVES BE SUBJECT TO THE "SEXY" FACTOR!
YES YOU CAN AND DO DESERVE LOVE FROM SOMEONE WHO LOVES AND RESPECTS YOU!
YES YOU WILL FIND THEM SOMEDAY!
STOP GETTING DRUNK AND NAKED!
YES, GUYS LIKE NAKED GIRLS, BUT ONLY REAL MEN WILL LOVE AND RESPECT YOU ENOUGH TO TELL YOU TO CALM THE FUCK DOWN!

SO CALM THE FUCK DOWN ALREADY!

Stop letting yourselves be the victims of social sway.

The People, They Are A'Changin'

I have been thinking a lot lately about how the people I have known have changed.
I look back and see the way my sister has changed over the years. The way my parents have changed over the years. The way sean has changed over the years. The way I have changed over the years. Every time someone has changed I find a direct correlation to the world they live in. Thats natural right? The cultural evolution of the society they live within. However this is not always a good thing.

If the society lives in a negative way, then the lives that it effects will negatively change. For example, Sean, a close friend of mine was a virtuous man all his life. He was a martial artist and a real man. I really appreciated him for who he was. That is because in the society and community he lived in, he was taught to be virtuous by his peers at his martial arts studio. His parents taught him right from wrong. Then he went to college to live in the dorms.

This was a huge difference from his life before. There was no one to teach him how to live his life. Instead you make your own rules. In his time in the dorms he "changed" I put that in quotes for a reason. He was no longer the virtuous person I knew, he was no longer the respectable man. The lifestyle in a dorm is that of decadent debauchery. It is disgusting when I think about it. Yet it is the life people will make for themselves. The reason I put that in quotes is because Sean didnt "change" to that lifestyle. Rather he lost himself in it. Everything he was he threw away. And yet several years after he got his own apartment does he look back and think what a fucked up place that was. Yes it was fun, but it was not who he is. Sean was not true to himself then. He still has the addictions he left there with, but he is definitely the Sean I knew.

People say change is good. And it is, so long as you change for the better. You look at the bums on the streets begging for money to buy booze. Their lives at one point or another changed. They at some point changed who they were and became that which they are. Change is good in a person only when it is for a better more moral self. I use the word moral lightly, as in NOT to be meant like the christian morality we all associate it to.

Ive been thinking about all this lately because I have lost another friend to the dorms. She is no longer the girl I knew. And maybe she will change for the better, though I am worried about when/if she ever truly faces herself. Perhaps it is none of my business, and I am certainly not qualified to judge, but I miss my friend.

I then start to think inwards. All the times I have changed. I am not who I used to be. When I have changed it has not always been for the better. But I am proud to say I never let the society around me dictate the way I changed. For some reason peer pressure has no effect on me. Never has. How then have I socially evolved to who I am? Perhaps I changed the society around me. Who knows. But that isnt important. What is important that anyone reading this takes away is this:
Never lose yourself in the society you are thrust into. Change, but change to be a better person. Evolve but do not lose sight.