second chances

This is actually from my other blog but I believe it works here too.
I have realized some things. There are somethings in life you have to learn for yourself I guess. No amount of wisdom from the worlds greatest teachers can reach into the hearts, minds, eyes, ears, tongues, and hands of people who have let the blind lead the blind, the twisted teach the innocent, and the forked tongues speak for the mute.

There has always been a redeeming thing about humans that I have found myself completely in love with but lately Ive felt an uneasy grip creep up my spine. That not all the people in the world give a damn. Ive been so lucky to know so many caring and loving people. I have very rarely found myself caring about people who dont give a damn. I think now that I have seen their true colors its time to let them destroy themselves from the inside out until they come to see themselves for who they have become.

I however will never stop caring for them. Sometimes it hurts more to hope, it hurts more to care, but you can never let yourself stop caring. I believe people can change their lives if they want to, I believe in second chances.

Stars of Destiny

Most people are like a falling leaf that drifts and turns in the air, flutters and falls to the ground. But a few others are like stars which travel one defined path; no wind reaches them, they have within themselves their guide and path.
-- Herman Hesse-Siddartha

I have only really known one other star. Sean, keep to the guide and path within you. You have the ability to shine the light onto others and show them that they too can be a star.

I met another person like me today. Someone driven by that rare inner strength. Ashley also wants to be a teacher for the good of the children. Her aim is true and her values strong. May you never falter and become a leaf.

The secret I wish to convey is this. Most people dont feel like they are happy with what they do with their jobs. I see this all the time. I see it spreading. I remember during an early mentor session most of the people who were coming to college were coming so that they could get a good job and make lots of money. This is the destruction of our people. We create our futures based solely on acquiring wealth without giving a thought as to whether the route we take will fulfill us.

Those of you out there who have yet to find yourself in a position where you need to make this choice, dont worry. There will be a time when you do. And here is the answer. Discover what moves you. Discover within yourselves what you are passionate about. For me it isnt just teaching. For me it is our youths. They are our future. I want to help educate the futures of tomorrow, but mostly I want to be that teacher that is there for the students. That one teacher that gives his students hope and a sense of some level of serenity when they walk into that classroom.

What drives your core? What do you get charged up about? Find out what moves your soul and you will find that strength, that inner guide and your path will become apparent to you.

To all the girls out there

Ive watched a lot of late night comedy central lately and been rather upset with the ridiculous amount of girls gone wild ads. So here is one little secret of life just for you girls out there.

YOU DO NOT NEED TO TAKE OFF YOUR CLOTHES TO BE APPRECIATED BY SOCIETY. I know that girls go through a stage where they feel that taking off their clothes is fun and exciting and it gets all the guys to look at them. Women of the world, you need to stop letting your self esteem, your self confidence, and your identity be determined by your social surroundings. Respect yourself! Be yourselves without letting the world shape you.

YOU DO NOT NEED TO BE SEXY TO BE LOVED!
YOU DO NOT NEED TO TAKE OFF YOUR CLOTHES FOR ATTENTION!
SOMEONE WHO LOVES YOU WILL LEARN TO LOVE YOU WITH YOUR CLOTHES ON FIRST!
STOP LETTING YOURSELVES BE SUBJECT TO THE "SEXY" FACTOR!
YES YOU CAN AND DO DESERVE LOVE FROM SOMEONE WHO LOVES AND RESPECTS YOU!
YES YOU WILL FIND THEM SOMEDAY!
STOP GETTING DRUNK AND NAKED!
YES, GUYS LIKE NAKED GIRLS, BUT ONLY REAL MEN WILL LOVE AND RESPECT YOU ENOUGH TO TELL YOU TO CALM THE FUCK DOWN!

SO CALM THE FUCK DOWN ALREADY!

Stop letting yourselves be the victims of social sway.

The People, They Are A'Changin'

I have been thinking a lot lately about how the people I have known have changed.
I look back and see the way my sister has changed over the years. The way my parents have changed over the years. The way sean has changed over the years. The way I have changed over the years. Every time someone has changed I find a direct correlation to the world they live in. Thats natural right? The cultural evolution of the society they live within. However this is not always a good thing.

If the society lives in a negative way, then the lives that it effects will negatively change. For example, Sean, a close friend of mine was a virtuous man all his life. He was a martial artist and a real man. I really appreciated him for who he was. That is because in the society and community he lived in, he was taught to be virtuous by his peers at his martial arts studio. His parents taught him right from wrong. Then he went to college to live in the dorms.

This was a huge difference from his life before. There was no one to teach him how to live his life. Instead you make your own rules. In his time in the dorms he "changed" I put that in quotes for a reason. He was no longer the virtuous person I knew, he was no longer the respectable man. The lifestyle in a dorm is that of decadent debauchery. It is disgusting when I think about it. Yet it is the life people will make for themselves. The reason I put that in quotes is because Sean didnt "change" to that lifestyle. Rather he lost himself in it. Everything he was he threw away. And yet several years after he got his own apartment does he look back and think what a fucked up place that was. Yes it was fun, but it was not who he is. Sean was not true to himself then. He still has the addictions he left there with, but he is definitely the Sean I knew.

People say change is good. And it is, so long as you change for the better. You look at the bums on the streets begging for money to buy booze. Their lives at one point or another changed. They at some point changed who they were and became that which they are. Change is good in a person only when it is for a better more moral self. I use the word moral lightly, as in NOT to be meant like the christian morality we all associate it to.

Ive been thinking about all this lately because I have lost another friend to the dorms. She is no longer the girl I knew. And maybe she will change for the better, though I am worried about when/if she ever truly faces herself. Perhaps it is none of my business, and I am certainly not qualified to judge, but I miss my friend.

I then start to think inwards. All the times I have changed. I am not who I used to be. When I have changed it has not always been for the better. But I am proud to say I never let the society around me dictate the way I changed. For some reason peer pressure has no effect on me. Never has. How then have I socially evolved to who I am? Perhaps I changed the society around me. Who knows. But that isnt important. What is important that anyone reading this takes away is this:
Never lose yourself in the society you are thrust into. Change, but change to be a better person. Evolve but do not lose sight.

Jungian Psychology: Of Images

I have spent many a long hour reading and studying Jungian psychology. Jung is the student of Freud but focus' more on the anima, animus, ego and projecting images. What I want to talk about today is projecting images.

Often times in our lives we find ourselves looking up to people and building them up in our minds that they become more than they are. A chief example is of all those who voted for President Bush the first time around because they believed in their minds that he would be like his father and some great man that would lead us through the troubles of september 11th. They built up all these great expectations and looked on him with awe as a leader of men, until that is reality slapped them all in the face and they realized just who exactly he was.

This image that we project goes both ways. Just as we may see someone as this great person in our thoughts, we can also see someone as a terrible bane of our existence. For example: There was someone I thought so terribly of, I looked down on and blamed the roots of so many of my troubles on them. That person to me became the scapegoat and a witch. When ever I was stressed out or angry I found myself blaming them and how they victimized me. I however realized that when I actually spent time with this person that I thoroughly enjoyed myself and that they were not the person I had created them to be. This is something everybody does. I would like to recommend that everyone stop and think to themselves. What images have I unfairly created for people?

Knowledge and Belief

A paper I wrote for freshman inquiry on belief and knowledge.

Knowledge and Belief

Knowledge and belief are two sides of the same coin that have been fighting over who is heads and who is tails for about as long as there has been cognate self aware life on this planet. Who is right and who dares to be proven wrong?

Belief is the acceptance of a theory or concept without concrete evidence. It is in short.. faith. Faith in something or faith that someone is telling you the absolute truth. Belief is often steeped in what is unexplainable. Ghosts, cosmic energy, God, karma and even the existence of a soul are all things that we can not conceivably prove with hard evidence. Not to say that there is no evidence supporting the claims, but rather that the evidence used is questionable at best. Yes, we exist on this earth, but it is not something we could have made, maybe God made it, thats what this book says. Someone cut me off in traffic and I become frustrated, perhaps I take that anger out on someone else. We can not prove that there is an exchange of negative energy even though we feel it and express it. Belief is a concept we understand but don't fully grasp. It is what I call an incomplete truth.

Knowledge is the understanding of a theory or concept through complete tests and concrete evidence. Unlike belief, knowledge is only knowledge when there is tested proof to explain a truth.

It is to say, I know this cup is made of glass because we can look at it under a microscope and see that the chemical compounds and carbon bondings are that of glass. It is to say, I know that paper burns at 451 degrees Fahrenheit because I can place paper in a closed off environment and test to see at exactly what temperature the paper will start to burn. When testing knowledge we use hard evidence to prove that we know something without a semblance of a doubt. It is in a sense, a complete truth.

If you take a step back and truly observe the two, one can see that they are two sides of the same coin. Though they constantly try to discredit the other, one could not exist without the other. Without incomplete truths there can be no truths to complete and vise versa. Ultimately it is only when we accept both sides of the coin that we truly become rich.

The Secret Recipie for the Ultimate Tuna Sandwich

The ultimate tuna fish sandwich.
Drain tuna
Empty tuna into a small bowl.
Mix in a teaspoon mayonnaise. Mix until it is evenly spread throughout.
Add few squirts of mustard for flavor (not too much). Mix until it is evenly spread throughout.
Add a dash of salt and pepper. Mix till satisfied.

I like to add pickle relish and hard boiled egg whites to the mix for a more complex flavor.

Serve on a hamburger bun like a Sloppy Joe.

Cheers and enjoy

Unrequited love

"The world is littered with broken hearts of those who offered it to someone who didn't feel the same. It's not an easy situation no matter which side of it you're on or what the reasoning behind it is. And it's all around us, this same story plays out over and over again. Unrequited love is the subject of our art, because the pain of a broken heart is a part of our humanity, as is the joy of having it returned ten fold." -- Taken from valleygirl on the kcon forums.

This really is the raw truth. Ive learned many hard lessons of love, but none as harsh as unrequited love. You feel like you have met the person of your dreams. The idea, the sight, just being around them makes your heart pump harder, better, faster, stronger. I felt like I had found someone who just enjoyed life, someone who shared many of the same interests as me, but more than that, someone who had the same passions as me. Someone who was their own person. More than anything else in the world I wanted to just see her smile. The thought of making her happy made me happy. It was the little things, how her hands got ice cold when it was 70 degrees outside, it was her appreciation for things like funky little stickers on signs. She was the only other person I ever knew to use the word "wonky" besides myself. I wanted to be with her when I woke up and before I went to bed. I loved her. More than I had loved anyone before.

However it was not to be. And that is the hard part. To me she was perfect. But to her I was just another person. Nothing special, it wasnt just the rejection. It was the rejection when I already had so much invested. As friends things were great. But such a thing can not last. I wanted us to be more. My heart screamed to be heard. So I did it. I told her my feelings, and she told me she had none. Ever since then she has changed towards me. And maybe that is part of the lesson here. To learn to accept things as they are. I tried to get back into her graces but it was too late. She felt I was being clingy and I probably was, but such is life. When you are afraid of losing something so great you hold onto it. Letting go is the hardest thing in life to do. Shes burned her bridge with me a few times and left nothing but a foot path for when she needs me. And that I believe is limited to buying booze at cons. But if that is as close as she is willing to be with me now then I will accept it. Else I fear I would lose even that footpath. Though I must keep on with my life. It doesnt stop and wait for anyone. I cant just wait. But I will be there when I am needed for anyone and everyone. Because that is who I am.

I am reminded of Plato

I recently had a falling out and regathering with a very special friend. One of the things she told me was that I had said things that made her cry. While apologizing and saying it wouldnt happen anymore, she said she didnt want me to say I would change because she would know there was something more I ment to say. However I was meditating on this subject and came to a realization. I want to change not just when talking to her, but when talking to anyone and everyone. There is never an acceptable reason to verbally shit on someone. She may notice me not saying such harsh things anymore. But it wont be because I have changed for her. It will be because I believe I must always strive to better myself for positive personal growth. As such I will try my best to change who I am, so that I can be better to and for everyone around me. This is my ninja way. Always strive to be a better person. Thats something most people dont do anymore. So many people think that once they have hit a certain age that they have become exactly who they will be. Let me say this. When I was 14 I had no idea who I would be at 16. When I was 16 I had no idea who I was going to be at 18, I never even contemplated it. But I have looked back and seen how different I was during each of those spans. Even the latest. Who I was at 18 I had no idea who I would become and 20. And now at 21 I have no idea who I will be at 22. I will always be willing to learn the lessons life throws my way, I must never become complacent and believe that I know the absolute truth of everything, there is always more to understand. I can say with absolute certainty that I am looking forward to who I will be. Because I have never worked so hard to be a better person. Inside and Out.

"You are young, my son, and, as the years go by, time will change and even reverse many of your present opinions. Refrain therefore awhile from setting yourself up as a judge of the highest matters."--Plato

Fear, the Universe and Everything

"Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering."-Yoda

Fear destroys from within, it is giving in to what is around you. Of all the areas of fear, I have most recently become acquainted with the fear of relationships. Not my own fear, but the fear of the one I care so much about. So many people around me lately have displayed fears of being rejected, fear of being hurt. And so their natural remedy is anywhere from automatically rejecting all forms of romantic interest, to completely shutting down and deciding to be celibate for the rest of their lives. We are social animals. It is necessary to experience a loving relationship for our own healthy state of mind. I wont go into whether that is just a social stigma placed by society or not right now. My point is that when you fear something you want, when you fear something you need, all you are doing is giving in to the twisted effects of something within you.

Fear grips us, and the longer we let it sit dormant the darker and more dire effects we receive from it. How does one rid themselves of such a fear? When fear has taken root so deeply you can not simply ignore it. You must go to the root of the fear. What traumatic event caused such a seed to sprout? When did it all begin? Why did it happen? How did I let it happen to me? How did I react to the events? How has my reaction effected my life till now? And how could I have done it differently? Ask yourself these questions, search within yourself for the answers. Only once you have found the answers, specially the last two, can you prepare to meet your fears head-on.

But you are afraid to face it, that is the nature of fear. You must take control of your life and learn to make decisions while questioning whether it is you, or your fear making the choices for you. Once you have identified the fear pulling the strings to your decisions you must fight it. You must let go of the handrail and be able to trust yourself to be able to manage without the automatic responses fear has placed within you. This doesnt mean that love will be easy, you may still get hurt in the end. But if that time comes, you can not allow yourself to be gripped by the fear again. You must take your future into your own hands and become stronger than you were before.

The Secrets

So many times I have found myself contemplating the things I have discovered from my relationship. And many times people have asked me for advice. Ive never written them all down before.

Of the many important aspects to a relationship love is the most important part. However people are so foolish today. No one knows what love is anymore. People either wait for that strong pull of emotion and perfection or they give their hearts to anyone that passes by. Ill start by explaining that there are essentially three stages of love. Being in love, lovers, and loving. These things are different and many are unable to tell what makes each one unique.

- Being in love is the energy that exists between two human beings when they acknowledge they love each other. When you get those butterflies in your stomach when you think about them. It is that nervous energy. Being in love is a great feeling. Its a euphoria that makes you smile when your partner looks at you. It is the romanticism that we all have been looking for. What many fail to realize however is that this feeling is fleeting. This is the absolute truth. Eventually the butterflies go away. Many feel this and break-up with the person because they think that being in love is supposed to last forever. Those people however will jump between relationships until they realize the difference between loving someone and being in love.

- Being lovers is when you and your partner physically engage in sex. This isnt to be confused with the physical action. You can have sex with someone and not be lovers. To be a lover is to romantically love your sexual partner.

- So what is love? Love is to acknowledge what makes someone who they are and to care greatly for them regardless of their virtues or vices. I love my family, they are not the best people in the world, but I love them. I love my friends, they are not perfect but I love them. I love this person or that person, I know them on a very personal level and I care very greatly for them. These are not unrelated loves. They may seem like different kinds of loves but like a tree, though they grow into different branches, they grow from the same trunk and roots. This is the part most people misunderstand. People are looking to be in love before acknowledging loves existence. And that is why so many of us spend our lives looking for just the right person. Instead look inside and realize who you love. Ask yourself... Who has become a part of my life? Who have I let deep inside my feelings? Who would go to when I need comfort? Who would come to me when they need comfort? These are the ones that you love most. If you are currently in a loving relationship then there is absolutely no reason at all you would need to share the most intimate of feelings, conversations and comforts with anyone but your loving partner. Otherwise there are other things that must be addressed.

And I will talk about those another time...